


There and Back Again (into your arms)

by snufflesfoot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Actors!Merthur, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/F, M/M, Throne Sex, medieval times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:18:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3539306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufflesfoot/pseuds/snufflesfoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Medieval Times AU.  No, no like the actual <em>place</em> Medieval Times.</p><p>Or, the one in which they're actors in a crappy renaissance play and <em>Merlin's name is Merlin</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There and Back Again (into your arms)

"Would the good people enjoy some entertainment with their dinner?" Arthur boomed from his throne into the stands, and the crowd cheered as two knights came riding into the arena carrying lances.

"Let the games begin!  And may the best man be victorious!"

The people held their breaths as the two began circling each other, but they needn't have worried of fainting spells as the round was over in four lunges and one precisely choreographed swing, as it always was.

"Three cheers for the Blue Knight!" Arthur tried to yell over the thunderous applause.

 

~*~

 

"Thank fuck that's over.  I fucking hate this cape."

Gwen elbowed him and scolded, "Stop swearing so loud, the kids are on the other side of the damn wall."

Arthur gave her a look and Gwen smiled meekly.

"Anyway, it's only your first day here," she went on.  "You should probably pace the things you're sick of.  I've been here a year and I'm not even sick of the food yet!" she said proudly.

"You don't eat the food here," Arthur pointed out.

Gwen smiled again.

"And this is only a temp job for me.  I'm not going to stay here a year.  So I can be sick of all the things I want," he said, and stuck his tongue out at her, because he was a mature and professional actor who respected his colleagues.

Gwen laughed sagely. 

"That's exactly what I said on my first day here!" she said cheerfully, and poked his tongue back in, because she was equally mature, professional, and respectful. 

They came to the break room and Arthur pulled up a chair at the small table as Gwen handed him a plate of chicken and vegetables, the official and ubiquitous meal of Medieval Times, and dug out her own lunch from her bag.

Arthur was staring off into space, envisioning a year in this grimy hellhole and feeling slightly nauseous – but that might have just been the food – when Morgana appeared and viciously cuffed him round the head without warning.

"Ow!  What the f— "

"You went off script four times and you were blocking Gwen half the time, you useless moron," Morgana hissed like the terrifying snake-beast she was.

"I just got the script yesterday," Arthur said, defensive, while still cowering before the seething snake-beast.

Well, 'got' was a flexible term.  More like Morgana had thrown it at his face and told him the job paid thirty bucks an hour and he started tomorrow.  His say in the matter was gratuitous at best.

"I don't give a shit, Pendragon.  There will be no mistakes on my watch, do you understand me?"  Morgana was now mere inches from his face and Arthur could see his reflection in her black demon eyes.  Specifically, his reflection trembling.  This was not his best moment.

Gwen giggled behind them.

"You're so cute when you intimidate men into pissing themselves."

Morgana turned to her and pouted.

"Babe," she whined, "I told you to not distract me when I'm intimidating men into pissing themselves."

"Sorry, love."

Morgana sighed and looked at Arthur, who was trembling slightly less.

"The moment's gone now," she said sadly, then straightened when a voice came on in her earpiece.

"He's not here yet?" she squawked.  "He's on in twenty!"

Morgana pulled out her phone and violently punched in a number as if the device had done her a great disservice.

"Who's not here yet?" Gwen asked.

"Merlin.  I'm going to rip his balls out."

That must be the wizard guy, Arthur thought.  I hope he has an extra pair of pants.  And balls.

There was a great bang at the end of the hallway and Arthur craned his neck to see a scrawny guy with a mop of black hair and a cup of coffee come stumbling in.

"Sorry, sorry!" he gasped, "I'm here," and clasped his hands to his knees and took long, deep breaths as the coffee threatened to become a casualty.

Arthur snorted, and the skinny guy turned to glare at him.  "I'm glad my asthma attack is amusing to you."

Arthur's smile faltered.  Oh.  Whoops.

"Anyway, I wouldn't have had to run from the far end of the fucking parking lot if some dickhead hadn't parked in my fucking spot.  Which one of you jackasses has a fucking Maserati anyway?  We don't get paid enough for that!"

Arthur's smile crawled completely off.  Oh.  Whoops.

"Oh, er," he started, shifting guiltily until wizard guy looked at him.  "Sorry about that mate, first day you know, didn't know the rules," and Arthur smiled his most winsome smile and clapped him on the back.

Merlin didn't respond very well to that very sincere apology.  He removed Arthur's hand from his back, in a very unnecessarily violent way really, and snapped, "Didn't know how to read, either?  It clearly says our names on our spots, _mate_."

"Look, you can scrape his guts out later," Morgana interjected, "but if you're not dressed in three, I'll do the same to you," and she shoved him towards the dressing rooms, but Merlin was still glaring spectacularly over his shoulder.

"Don't give him any ideas," Arthur whimpered softly from where he was hiding in Gwen's shoulder.

 

~*~

 

Technically Arthur wasn't supposed to be on set yet.  But the prince never got to see the good stuff, he just announced all the shit and then the king – an old skeezbag, the actor was, had a great big stick up his arse – came along and got to enjoy the show and laugh heartily and wave merrily while Arthur was stuck in the tiny, musty deck room behind them.

Anyway, he wasn't really _on_ set; he was just peeking out a bit and nobody could _see_ him - though he still hoped to the heavens above that Morgana would never find out.

The horse show was just finishing up when Arthur cracked the door open.  The four white horses came to a sudden stop in their prancing as the sorcerer, Merlin, came flying in.

He was good, Arthur had to admit, as he twirled around the arena proclaiming the terrible danger the court was in, decked out in dark robes and terrifying, yet oddly pretty makeup.  He also had a wooden staff.  It was a very large staff.  Arthur blushed.

 

~*~

 

"Why does everyone keep calling him by his character's name?"

Gwen cast him a sidelong look.  "What?"

They had just finished the day's show and were gathered backstage for comments and notes from the directors.  Arthur was quite proud of his first day; the show had gone off without a hitch.  Well, except for that time he had bumped into a little boy and almost sent him over the railing.  But it was alright in the end, really, Morgana was just overreacting about the concussion.

"The Merlin guy.  What's his real name?"

"Merlin," she answered, as if he were desperately slow.

"Wait," Arthur said.  Time seemed to slow down, the very earth ceased to spin.  _Merlin's name was Merlin_.  This was the best thing to happen to him in _years_.

"Hey!  Merlin!" Arthur called across to him, "Your name's Merlin!"

Merlin gave him a look that scarily mirrored Gwen's earlier one and walked over to Arthur.

"Um, yeah?"

"And you play a fucking wizard in a play set in medieval times!"

Merlin sighed long-sufferingly, the sigh of one who has been eternally subjected with such revelations.

"Yes, yes, my name's Merlin and I play Merlin ha ha fucking ha, you're so clever and witty, no one has ever thought of that before," he said, the sarcasm suffocating.  "And hey," he brightened slightly, "your name's Arthur and you play a fucking prince!"

"Arthur's a common name, mate," Arthur said, laughing, "Merlin really isn't," and he clapped an apologetic hand on his shoulder, though the gleeful smile slightly ruined it.

Merlin shot him a dirty glare and stomped off.

"He's kind of sensitive about his name," Gwen whispered.

"You don't say," Arthur grinned.  "You should have seen him when I teased about his ears though," he told her, and remembered how he had pretended to pick up Merlin by his ears as he told him, "Sorry!  I thought those were jug handles!"

If looks could kill, Arthur would have been decapitated by a wooden sword.

 

~*~

 

Arthur slipped against the gold plastic armrests and gasped into the worn velvet of the throne.

He reached back, laughing breathlessly, and grasped onto Merlin's ears, said, "Knew they'd be good for something," but then Merlin twisted into him a particular way and Arthur gave a throaty moan.

Merlin leaned in to nip at his ear, and whispered, low and rough, "You don't even shut up while you're being fucked, do you?"

"Only because I'm not being fucked hard enough," and that was all Arthur got out for a few minutes because Merlin knew a challenge when he heard it.

"God, you're such a bossy bottom," Merlin groaned as Arthur pulled his hand down to stroke between his legs.

"Are you really surprised?" Arthur mumbled before he shuddered and collapsed into the throne.

 

~*~

 

And fuck, they'd have to clean that up before Morgana diced their dicks off.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [This](http://www.medievaltimes.com/) is the place, in case the innocent among you do not know of it (it's real, I assure you. I can't make this shit up folks).


End file.
